


the one in the back

by Iam_just_a_human



Category: my life - Fandom
Genre: Confession, Heavy Feelings, Implied/Referenced Bullying, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Real Life, cry warning, no au, no fiction, the truth about myself
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-24
Updated: 2017-01-24
Packaged: 2018-09-19 13:30:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9442952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iam_just_a_human/pseuds/Iam_just_a_human
Summary: please read! i am not gonna put in a summary here. i'm just gonna say that this is very feeling loaded content. but please read it.





	

_"you are so stupid do you know that?"_  
 _"if you wanna be cool like us, you gotta change everything about yourself"_  
 _"I didn't notice you"_  
 _"do you hear yourself that you are doing it wrong?"_  
 _"you know you need to study harder than the others!"_  
  
_All of the ones above have been said straight to my face. Is it fun? Not at all. And my answers haven't been any better. I have always said that I am the wrong in my own life. Is that fair? No it isn't. I have always being dragging myself down because I have never seen any other option._  
  
_"yeah I know"_  
 _"I wanna be cool"_  
 _"it's okay"_  
 _"yeah I can hear it"_  
 _"I know"_  
  
_All of this is maybe something that others don't notice, but each and every answer I have about myself is mostly just things that drags myself down. To many people I seem like a happy girl, on the inside I'm not that happy and there isn't many how knows that. I'll let you in on a secret okay. I have cried around 4 times a week for one month once. And there isn't anyone who knows that. And all of these different voices are ringing in my head as the tears fall down from my eyes and downwards my cheeks. And while I am crying I usually tell myself every single thing that is wrong with myself. I cry all the way until my eyes can't make more, or I have lost my voice, or I just have simply given up._

_Given up. What does that mean In my case? It means that I shut up and start to think the ugly thoughts again. I have no way around it anymore and to be honest I am afraid of my own future. On the other hand what can I do? I have to put on a fake smile and join my family down stairs, or eventually go to school._   
_I envy those how can easily say what's on their mind. I envy those who have the guts explain to others what is wrong. I envy those who found a way.i envy those who can easily laugh when there is something funny happening. I envy those who has an outgoing personality and can make friends with everyone. I envy everyone else but me. I envy even those who have it worse than me, because people know about how they are hurting._

_Still they don't know about the girl in the corner soon about to lose her mind. No one knows about the girl who struggles without showing it on her skin. No one knows how her heart is shaking. No one knows what she has battled against in her short life. No one know the girl hiding her room and crying under the loud music._

_I am a girl in a so what normal family. Two sisters and a pair of parents how are still married to each other. My sisters seem to be the best, one with a house, husband and dog. The other with job offers to her neck and an education and with an amazing voice. We seem like a great family right?_   
_Still no one know about the smallest sibling trying to just finish one day at a time. The smallest sister trying to be like her sister with her own singing voice. And drowning in her own worries. The smallest sister how stutters, has dyslexia and have been bullied. No one know that she feels that singing and writing is the only form she can express herself. Even tho she gets harsh critics on that as well._

_Mom and dad. What do they do? What else? Pushing her to do things she isn't comfortable with, or make her do to much in one day, or comment on everything even thought the actions she makes are of a good reason._

_Let me ask one question. Does it still seem like a perfect family? Yeah? Well what if I say that the smallest sister cried in the middle of homework when the parents pushed her over her limits of the day and put the blame on the school. IS IT STILL THAT PERFECT?!_

Is it so hard to look at the person in the back with her head down low? the one in the shadows of her own family.   
If you are thinking that I wrote this for popularity, then you couldn’t be more wrong. I wrote this for me and others to read. Not because I am a seeker of popularity. If you think that then go and fuck off. I don't want compassion or worries. What I want is simply people to be aware that there are others just like me. 

_So once again, is it so hard to look at the person in the back?_ I really hope not.


End file.
